Cookie's NFL Investment Strategies: Week 10

Written by Cookie
Thursday, 12 November 2009 14:33

Week 1-2 results Week 3 results Week 4 results Week 5 results

Week 6 results Week 7 results Week 8 results Week 9 Results

First off, me want to shout out me old friend Chris Rose for taking buyout from Times-Picayune. Me not sure if you trying to weasel onto "Treme" writing staff or whether you going to join the significant local cultural force that is Humid Beings, or if you going to wax obvious for out-of-town readers, or even spit Virgets-ian nonsense for Gambit Weekly, but me do know that Times-Picayune vile, so either way, Rose, your soul ascends a circle.

Back to gambling. All that separate me from winning week is half-point that asshole Tom Brady could not overcome. It a four-figure fuckup for me. Still, we going into Week 10 and me still playing with Vegas money.

Chicago (4-4) at San Francisco (3-5) (-3)
Me know people rushing to call cable provider to get NFL Network. Memo to wives: if husband insist on watching this game, time to start affair.
Me lay 220 on Chicago Result: San Francisco 10, Chicago 6   -220

Atlanta (5-3) at Carolina (3-5) (+2)
Carolina expend all energy trying to keep pace with Saints. Smell of playoffs infiltrate nostrils of Falcons players like perfumed scent of Blue Flame dancer.
Me lay 330 on Atlanta Carolina 28, Atlanta 19  -330

Tampa Bay (1-7) at Miami (3-5) (-10)
Bucs get off bagel cart by sneaking in rookie QB against demoralized Packers. Dolphins mediocre, but smart enough to solve easy puzzle and win big.
Me lay 330 on Miami Result: Miami 25, Tampa Bay 23 -330

Detroit (1-7) at Minnesota (7-1) (-17)
Me hear Favre nursing groin injury. That what happens when you let Terry Bradshaw jerk you off in interview.
Me lay 330 on Minnesota Minnesota 27, Detroit 10  (PUSH)  -30

Jacksonville (4-4) at New York Jets (4-4) (-7)
New York football teams gone combines 1-6 in games played since losing in Superdome. Now if we can only get Yankees to visit.
Me lay 330 on New York Jets Result: Jacksonville 24, New York Jets 22  -330

Cincinnati (6-2) at Pittsburgh (6-2) (-7)
Yes, me talking up Steelers and me grateful for them salvaging me week last Monday. But me have feeling Bengals going to prove something here. Me hope they prove that they can lose by six or less.
Me lay 440 on Cincinnati Result: Cincinnati 18, Pittsbugh 12  +400

New Orleans (8-0) at St. Louis (1-7) (+14)
What a difference a decade make. In 2000, Nelly top charts, NFL world fear Rams and Greatest Show on Turf, we act like it divine miracle that Saints win playoff game, and St. Louis and New Orleans two of most murderous cities in country. Now in 2009, me not know where Nelly is, Rams worst team in NFL, Saints fans expect undefeated season and Super Bowl, and murders now...never mind.
Me lay 330 on New Orleans Result: New Orleans 28, St. Louis 23  -330

Buffalo (3-5) at Tennessee (2-6) (-7)
Revived Titans on their way to improbable playoff run? No, but they handle lame-ass Bills. Expect to see Music City Miracle play over and over if you waste life and watch game.
Me lay 330 on Tennessee Result: Tennessee 41, Buffalo 17  +300

Denver (6-2) at Washington (2-6) (+3.5)
What Vegas know that me don't? Yes, Denver fake team. Me say so last week. But Redskins falling apart. Me think spread is misprint.
Me lay 660 on Denver Result: Washington 27, Denver 17  -660 (Aaahh!!)

Kansas City (1-7) at Oakland (2-6) (-2)
Historic rivalry me ass. Game all about positioning for 2010 Draft.
Me lay 220 on Kansas City Result: Kansas City 16, Oakland 10  +200

Seattle (3-5) at Arizona (5-3) (-9)
NFC West, baby. It where the action at. Seattle fresh off mail-in win against Detroit and seek to keep game close before calling it quits for season.
Me lay 330 on Seattle Result: Arizona 31, Seattle 20  -330

Dallas (6-2) at Green Bay (4-4) (+3)
Aaron Rodgers so disoriented from loss to Favre he drop tit game against Buccaneers. Now he face another NFL-sanctified QB. The boos will rain down at Lambeau.
Me lay 440 on Dallas Result: Green Bay 17, Dallas 7  -440

Philadelphia (5-3) at San Diego (5-3) (-1.5)
Epic battle of underachievers. It all come down to one question: who not want it less?
Me lay 440 on San Diego Result: San Diego 31, Philadelphia 23  +400

New England (6-2) at Indianapolis (8-0) (-3)
Finally, a game to give a shit about, one of only 3 games this week featuring two teams with winning records. Colts been winning with mirrors last couple. Last week Patriots ruin me week by missing covering by half-point at Miami. This week they getting points. Now the week for Colts train to sputter.
Me lay 440 on New England Result: Indianapolis 35, New England 34   +400

Baltimore (4-4) at Cleveland (1-7) (+11)
Desperate to get anyone to watch this Monday Night Howler, Browns put in Brady Quinn to capture bored, nostalgic Notre Dame fans. Look for game to hover around spread to keep asshole like me riveted to shit game.
Me lay 330 on Baltimore Result: Baltimore 16, Cleveland 0  +300

Current Bankroll: $12280 (+2280) Week 10 Results: 6-8-1 (-1000)
Total Wagered for Week 10: $5000 +$500 vig = $5500
Record Against Spread: 71-55-1 (56.2%)