Riley: Murder Stats Fail to Account for Ghosts

Written by NOLAFugees Staff
Monday, 08 June 2009 19:20

In a sharply worded criticism of crime stats that show New Orleans leading the nation in murders per capita, police chief Warren Riley questioned the statistical methods used to measure the city’s murder rate.”

“New Orleans is unique when compared to other cities,” Riley said. “It’s exceedingly difficult to get an accurate population estimate. One reason is because of the displacement of citizens following Hurricane Katrina. The other reason, and perhaps most important, is that ghosts walk among us.”

Riley cited the prevalence of Haunted History and Paranormal tours in the city, plus the NOPD’s inexplicable failure to apprehend a suspect in over 90% of the city’s killings.

“You don’t have to be Marie Laveau to know that there’s more to this world than our eyes allow us to see,” Riley said. “It’s just a shame that the FBI can’t get their heads around the fact that so many spirits walk among us, a fact that would drastically reduce our per capita murder numbers.”

Sallie Ann Glassman, local Vodou Priestess, was skeptical of Riley’s assessment.

“No one is more in touch with the spirit world than I am,” Glassman said. “But an arrest every now and then would make the here and now just a bit more pleasant. That and a little goddamn economic development. Like a streetcar line going past that new Healing Center on St. Claude. There’s a start.”