Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Written by Tara Jill Ciccarone
Saturday, 22 December 2007 08:13
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Tara Jill Ciccarone began writing this article last year yet failed to complete it when she did not receive her Christmas wish. This year, she sends a letter to Santa from the folks in Washington Square who express desire for one miracle and one gift costing between 50 and 100 bucks.
Dear Santa,
All we want for Christmas are …
My 2 sons back from Iraq
The Bob Dylan C.D.’s that were stolen
from my car
- retired male
For people to do what they say
instead of being full of shit
Vintage Brooksford suit: size 34
Navy Blue with holes in it.
-wanna be hipster (male)
Ray Nagin to come to his right
mind and advocate his position
as mayor.
An everyday, small, tasteful gold earring
-drunk, die-hard Saints fan
To win the Powerball or LA
State Lotto
CD: Rolling Stones Forty Licks
- cleaning lady on her way to work
World Peace
Someone who looks like Uma Thurman
and will cook dinner for me naked
- married man in late 40’s
Impeach Bush
Dom Perignon
- young white volunteer
To see you tomorrow
A subscription to The New Yorker and
some gray sweat pants
- ex-boyfriend (2006)
A new ear: you’re about to
burn this one off if you keep
talking to me
Indigestion relief
- ex-boyfriend (2007)
You to marry me
An engagement ring to give to you
- old coworker recently back from rehab
To annihilate crack cocaine
from the planet
As many pairs of nice, dark green and khaki
pants that you can buy at Walmart for 100 bucks.
- prep cook (female)
A new attitude; to direct my
caring in the right direction
New sweaters that fit me since
I lost weight
- convenient store manager (female)
Reciprocated love between a woman and I
Bottle of red wine
- young professional (male)
The Saints to stop getting my
hopes up
Some real stiff dick
A big, gold clanky bracelet with a
pretty “C” of cubic zirconium
- day care provider (female)
A girlfriend who’s mute
A big Styrofoam fluorescent fleur de lis
- electrician early 20’s (male)
Joy peace and happiness
The ice bin behind the bar to work
- bartender at Schiro’s
A pocket full of money, a beautiful
wife and a house on a hill
A nice cheap pair of shoes
- dog owner early 40’s (unemployed male)
Health insurance that I can afford
so I can get my cataract fixed and
some new dentures
(or Hillary Clinton in office)
Some really good Danielle Steele books
Fancy soap
- line cook (female)
New Orleans to have better police
A size 38 maroon and purple suit
- passerby early 30’s (male)
Enough money to open my
own business serving Cajun food
All-Star Tennis shoes or Levis
- unemployed male drinking beer in can – late 40’s
A wife
A table saw
- unemployed contractor early 40’s (male)
A good woman
A chainsaw
- female late 30’s – occupation unknown
To travel the world
A 69.99 Best Buy eye exam
- jogger taking a cigarette break mid 30’s (male)
World Peace
Strippers
- male early 30’s (apparently making drug deal)
A religion that doesn’t require faith
A metal clipboard
- Jewish atheist late 30’s (male)
Nothing
Nike sneakers size 6 ½
- cute agnostic in early 30’s (male)
Medication that kills fleas on crack
-Lupe (Chihuahua)
New Orleans to be better than it ever was
A Panini maker
- kitchen aficionado late 30’s (male)
For the Housing Projects to be torn down
A gift certificate to Home Depot to buy tools (to tear them down)
- contractor from Boston (male)
Anxiety Free life
A makeover with some exfoliating
and laser shit for my face
- male mid 30’s
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