>>Dear NOLAFugees,

I’ve been practicing yoga for quite some time now, and throughout the class I feel fine, I feel great. I’m completely worry-free and it can even be said that I feel nothing but love and kindness for my neighbors. However, lately the strangest thing has been happening. After resting in corpse pose, chanting “Om” three times and wishing the class “namaste,” I go right back to feeling nothing but contempt for my fellow human beings.  What’s wrong with me? 

Downward Dog on Delachaise

>>Dear Downward Dog,

The ancient, therapeutic powers of yoga are well-documented, and in these troubling times, one needs all the help one can get.  But even the clean, well-lighted space offered by Salvation Studios (you have been going to Salvation, haven’t you?) may not be enough to tackle your funk.  Maybe it’s the scenery, maybe it’s the loss of your neighbors, your house, your job.  

But most likely you have no real reason to hate, do  you?  You didn’t lose anything, and like another famous Uptown New Orleanian, the aftereffects are shocking.  Something has changed inside, but don’t feel guilty. One needn’t suffer from a massive catastrophe to initiate life change, and don’t you know we at NOLAFugees have a remedy that all the Rodney Yees of the world can’t offer.

 And while your “namastes” may fall on the deaf ears of your fellow yogis, have you considered volunteering your time to a charitable organization?  Just kidding.  Now’s not the time to reach out, but to reach in.   Where once you began your day with a half-caff soy latte at Still Perkin’, replace it with a NOLAFugees standby:  the greyhound.  There is no greater friend in the New Order than a little Svedska Vodka and grapefruit to kick it off correctly.  Double your xanbar intake, or maybe half it.  Your doctor knows no better than your yogi, and certainly no better than do we. Then go to Salvation, and feel the heat!

We suggest that you learn to “think outside the box.”  Take some chances.  If you are married (and we know that you are), take a walk on the wild side.  There are plenty of opportunities for you to broaden your horizons in the post-Apocalypse.  With Carnival around the corner, you’ll have plenty of options, be they house guests from your husband’s old fraternity or contractors from Guadalajara. 

Either way, it probably doesn’t matter.  Progress is upon us:  the Whole Foods is opening February 1^st, and your property value has already increased. But remember, the only way to find yourself in the New Order is to to lose yourself.

Follow your heart.

>>NOLAFugees.com