>>Dear NOLAFugees,

Recently I went to Claiborne Tire and Auto, where I usually get my oil changed—before the storm, that is. The mechanic told me I’d have to wait three days before he could get to it.  I told him to go ahead and schedule the appointment.  But on the way out I passed his recycled oil drum, the container that stores used motor oil. It was full, the company that hauls away the foul opacity out of business.

Rather than pay someone else to accomplish the task, I decided I would be as self-sufficient as possible these days.  Instead of taking my vehicle to an oil change chain, would it be unethical for me to change the oil myself in a front yard in Chalmette?  I mean, there’s oil all over the place now since you-know–what-happened. What’s a little more benzene in the ground?

And I know what you might be thinking, but even if every citizen here comes forth and does the same, are our numbers that great so as to make any difference whatsoever to the environment?  Doesn’t the petroleum industry have us outnumbered?  And who in Chalmette will be around, anyway, bearing witness to the act?

Yours,

>>Slick in a Celica on St. Roch

>>Dear Slick in a Celica,

As much as we admire your desire to be self-sufficient, we also detect a hint of cowardice in your proposed vandalism. You are right that Chalmette is awash in benzene. We suspect that was pre-Katrina condition, but no matter. The point is that you should not waste 5 filthy quarts of 40 weight in an area flush with the stuff. Shit does not always have to flow downhill, which is why we recommend a more strategic dispersal plan: surgical strikes on clearly defined targets.

By now you’ve come across one or two of your neighborhood “beautifiers,” the folks who make a show of sweeping their sidewalk and organizing neutral ground cleanups. As long as the gutted ruins of the houses on the block don’t drift downwind to their stoop, they’re free to enjoy their morning coffee and chicory free of eyesores..

Or perhaps you’ve seen signs in front of houses with declarations like “Not A Dump Area,” “Keep the Bayou Beautiful,” or “No FEMA Traliers.” What tidy and fastidious worlds these signs seek to engender.

What this amounts to in our view is what Hot Boy Don Rumsfeld refers to as a “target-rich” environment. We’re sure that the hamster in your head is already spinning the wheel, churning up its own possibilities.

Follow Your Heart,

>>NOLA Fugees.