Dear Nolafugees -

As one of the fortunate who live Uptown, I was spared the worst of Katrina's wrath. However, I am growing concerned about the aftershocks of the Apocalypse.

It has come to my attention that there is a group of Mexicans living in the van parked at the end of my block. They have yet to ask me for anything, but their presence still concerns me. They seem to work, as both the Mexicans and the van are gone when I wake up and go to the porch for an afternoon cocktail, and neither returns until well after dark. I assume they are well-paid, as there's a fresh pile of Natural Light 12 packs outside the van every Sunday morning (though I was surprised-- doesn't Corona come in cans?). But for the life of me, I can't think of a single open restaurant that needs SIX dishwashers all at the same time. Maybe they are sharing the load?

My concerns are numerous, both for the public good and myself. The busses are running, so I assume many black folks are back in town. Don't they need their old jobs back? And I wonder about the dishwasher situation. One needs only consult one's history books to know the potential for trouble presented by roaming gangs of idle Mexicans. There's even a word for them. It's "banditos", I think.

Not that I'm against Mexicans or honest employment. I've even tried to help. I've left a brand-new lawnmower conspicuously parked in the front yard, but not one has approached me about it, or the hedges, which are getting bad, by the way.

So my question is, should I approach the hermanos about my concerns, or should I just call immigration and keep my golf date with the VP in Houston this weekend?

Thanks for your help on this. I'd ask my wife about it, but she's drunk all the time and all she cares about are those stupid poodles anyway.

Signed,

Garden District Mexicali Blues

>>Dear Mexicali Blues,
 
As a golf buddy of the VP (have you shot pheasants on Pecan Island, as well?), we’re surprised that you haven’t availed yourself of the business opportunities these squatting migrant workers present, quite literally under your nose. These folks are flush with cash, and are willing to pay for the privileges that we fail to recognize as privileges.
 
Surely you’ve got some Lakeview friends who, over dinner at Lilette, will rhapsodize over the heretofore unappreciated pleasures of a hot shower. It’s tedious to listen to, God knows, but look at what a return to a state of nature has done to their value system. Now look out your window at your cold and dirt-caked visitors. What would they be willing to fork over for a hot shower? What will the current desperate market bear?
 
We know you’ve got a guest house on the property. Your wife will never see them coming and going, pickled as she is, until you’ve accumulated enough spare capital to keep her in highballs and poodles for decades. And how many golf weekends will a move like that get you?
 
Follow Your Heart,
 
NOLAFugees