Dear NOLA Fugees,

For the past two months I’ve been housing some friends in my Uptown apartment. They are a couple who had purchased a home in Gentilly just weeks before Katrina hit.  They’ve lost everything, and it’s been heartbreaking to hear them, day after day, on their cell phones, fighting with FEMA and trying to schedule a visit by an insurance adjuster. Particularly distressing is the fact that I’ve given them the pullout couch in my TV room, As a result, I have missed several episodes of The Today Show with Katie Couric, which is how I’ve always liked to start my mornings. All things considered, though, I am happy to have been able to help.

Next week they are going to move into a FEMA-supplied trailer on their utterly ruined property. I am happy for the progress they have made in getting their lives back together, but there is an issue I feel I need to settle with them. Last summer, I loaned Clive, the husband, a couple of irreplaceable Dave Matthews Band live bootlegs.

(I should admit here that Clive isn’t a “friend” as much as Stacy is a “friend.” I mean, I’ve known her way longer, and even tried getting with her at one point. I wonder if she’s considered how different her life would be now had she given it a chance, Aside from not having all her possessions washed away, she might have come to realize, over time, that marrying a musician was a devil’s bargain, and that in the long run you have to choose security over adventure.)

Anyway, I’m willing to give Clive the benefit of the doubt that the CDs were lost in the flood. Still, I’m wondering when and how to request compensation. I’m willing to wait until they settle up with their insurance and more or less straighten themselves out, but I feel the need to put this matter on the table.

Please email me with advice on how to go about this. Don’t bother calling, as they're always tying up my phone line.

Signed,

DMB Fan From the DMZ 

>>>Dear DMB Fan:

On the surface, your situation seems to be a very precarious one.  But, in essence, it’s not.  In fact, of the many dilemmas our team of crack ethicists has addressed in the wake of Katrina, yours may be the simplest. 

First things first—Clive does not deserve to get anything more from you, much less “the benefit of the doubt.”  You’ve already given him way too much: your DMB bootlegs, your pullout couch, your Katie time (and probably even some of your post-hurricane weed stash).  And all to a guy who didn’t care enough about you to pack your prized bootlegs when he evacuated?  Sure, he lost everything [except Stacy] in the flood; but that’s what he gets for pitching tent in what used to be a cypress swamp.  

Yes, DMB Fan, it’s high time for you to stop giving and start taking.  

So why not start with Stacy?  You can bet your i-pod that she’s second-guessed her choice of “adventure” over “security” each and every goddamn night she’s spent on your couch and under your roof.  And don’t think that her “buyer’s remorse” will taper off when she moves into the FEMA trailer, as such accommodations will only amplify her regret.  Use this to your advantage.  Offer to help them get situated in their new place, and when Clive is off dicking around with his musician stuff, help Stacy unpack, situate things, and otherwise “pad the nest.”  This will only reinforce what her instincts are telling her.  Be sure not to make your play too soon, though; wait until after she cashes the insurance check.

And as for putting “the matter” of your CDs “on the table”—don’t.  Not now, not ever.  It’s not like you’re going to get them back, nor will Clive ever be able to compensate you for your loss.  Yes, keep it to yourself and let it compound over time like a kidney stone.  That way, if ever in the future you feel guilty about taking Clive’s old lady from him, you can pull it out and remind yourself that you were completely justified in doing so.  You gave, you took.  All’s fair in post-Apocalypse NOLA anyway.

Besides, DMB Fan, we’re fairly certain that you can go to any DMB concert and find some DMB junky who talks of nothing save DMB and who’ll be more than willing to sell you more DMB bootlegs than Stacy can possibly carry home for you.

Follow Your Heart,

NOLAFugees