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Expressing a Christ-like, tequila fueled passion, the star of Lethal Weapon weighs in.
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Following in the footsteps of other Hollywood luminaries, such as Brad Pitt, who have pledged to support the rehabilitation of New Orleans’ devastated Lower 9th Ward, actor/director Mel Gibson announced at the site of the Industrial Canal levee breach “a day of reckoning” for those responsible for the tragedy.
“All natural disasters in history can be traced back to the Jews,” Gibson proclaimed while holding a 32oz. foam cup of what was later determined to be 190 Antifreeze, a popular local Daiquiri flavor.
“But Christians are resilient in the face of open treachery,” Gibson continued. “Or is it just a coincidence that the Holy Cross neighborhood is the first area to show signs of rebirth? And when we return, we will be vengeful and righteous. Make no mistake, it’s personal.”
Gibson produced the following chart as proof of his theory.
"The red arrows illustrate prevailing storm paths, and as you can see, there's a central locus of activity, which just happens to be in the Holy Land. The black arrows indicate the locus of storm activity. Follow the arrows back and where do they end up? The Holy Land."
When questioned as to how the Jewish people might accomplish this goal, Gibson replied "It's simple. A weather machine located in the Fascist state of Israel." According to the actor, this machine would obviously be financed from New York.
Gibson paused and took a swig from a bottle of tequila, followed by the brief Three Stooges impression the actor made famous in Lethal Weapon.
"And when people here say they blew the levees, the real tragedy is that these good Christians don't understand who they really are. They, the real They. Can't you get any fucking limes down here?"
The press in attendance were mostly nonplussed by Gibson’s tirade, given his track record of recent outbursts and the charges of anti-Semitism leveled at his recent films.
However, Mark Schleifstein, environmental reporter for the Times-Picayune, felt compelled to set the record straight.
“Coastal erosion, global warming, not to mention engineering incompetence, and this guy wants to lay it on the Jews,” Schleifstein said. “What a fucking kangaroo.”
