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NOLAFugees Society Columnist Cookie, upon learning the results of the 2006 New Orleans Mayoral Stakes (G3).
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Me read where Chris Rose get teary-eyed at Jazz Fest. Me understand. $40 for walk-up ticket too much for me to bear, too, especially since me rock bottom poor after Ron Forman wager. God dammit all to hell!! City going to ruin. Me not have stomach to hear Quint Davis prattle on about healing power of music. Me not in mood to look at new line of Acura coupes. Rose can have Jazz Fest. Me stay outside grounds at NOLAFugees Porch Fest, drinking canned beer and trying to whore T-shirts to eat.
But before me can go to porch, me need to file report on tragic Mayoral Stakes results and party at Handsome Willy’s. It with heavy heart that me complete task.
Me arrive at Handsome Willy’s an hour before polls close. Me in charge of playing tour guide to visiting New York media guy Joel Morton. Joel work as producer for FOX News token leftist Alan Colmes’ radio show. He and Alan down in New Orleans covering Howard Dean as he look at Lower 9th Ward wreckage. Me try to show Joel good time, introducing him to Gambit Weekly listings bitch Katie Walenter. Me try to join in chat, but Morton live in Manhattan and not allow me to butt into his rant. Katie good listener. Me leave them alone.
Me look back on this night and me ashamed at how buoyant me felt. Courtyard of Handsome Willy’s filled with smiling bitches. Sunset behind Charity Hospital give off happy glow. Me wear fresh Ron Forman sticker on chest. Me look forward to victory party at Intercontinental Hotel. Was it only two weeks ago when me still had belief?
Me not alone in having hopes dashed. Me watch early returns with District C Green Party candidate Charles Duffy. In the end, Duffy pull down 2% of vote, but he seem to take defeat in stride. After all, he Green Party. But at least he not piss away $2 million dollars on vanity campaign and toy with the hopes of downtrodden who came to see him as savior.
Me knew fat bitch had sung when me see jolly face of Dan Packer smiling behind runoff winner Ray Nagin. If me knew before that Packer had put down wager, me would have made different decision.
What me have to look forward to now? More half-ass literati events? More T-shirt hucksterism? Next thing me know, NOLAFugees editors have me doing ad sales on commission. Worse thing, me not in position to say no.
Maybe me get Shylock to front me 10K to take seat in World Series of Poker Circuit Event this month at Harrah’s. Me see Elmo try his hand last year in Vegas. Me sit down with Elmo in many high-stakes games, and if not for lucky river suckouts, me would have cleaned him out.
Anyone interested in staking me? Maybe me talk to Forman’s backers. Evidently they know how to piss away money.
Cookie covers Society for NOLAFugees.com
